grace.

i decided back in december that i wasn't making any resolutions this year.  if i've learned anything it's that introducing a new baby to our family is resolution enough for both me and our family.  and in light of that i wanted to be respectful of the fact that 2016 would just be a big transition year for our family and that it was okay just to focus on finding our new normal, meeting everyones needs, and making sure we felt good about how we spent our days.  there will be a time for trying new recipes, doing big things, taking vacations, and finding more time for myself but i know that this year is not that.  survival with a big helping of grace is my goal for this year and i hope that i find a way to remember that every day.  i love staying at home with my kids, i love being a mother, and i love our family but i could definitely find some more grace for everyone in our family as we go throughout our days, and especially when this next baby joins us.  adding ellie to our family was not a cakewalk.  it was really, really hard.  she was a hard baby and basically took every ounce of my attention which meant that at the end of the day i felt guilty for not spending enough time with avery, for our messy house, for feeding us grilled cheese for dinner (again), for counting the minutes to bedtime, and for having zero energy and time left for me and charlie at the end of the day.  

i'm mentally preparing for the same situation this time around, while hoping for a slightly easier going baby, too.  but i'm hoping that if it is just as hard (or harder) this time, that i remember that it's okay.  that these times will pass and that what matters is not what we accomplished at the end of the day but that we all treated each other well and that everyone goes to bed feeling loved.  

so, i'm making 2016 about "grace" and hoping to grant everyone a big slice of it. 

... grace for the messes that avery leaves all over the house.  she has a habit of playing with all the things, all the time, in all the rooms.  but she's playing, she's learning, she's occupying herself, and she's learning to clean up after herself. 

...  grace for the two year old that needs to be held at the most inconvenient times, and gets frustrated at me and at her sister, and at herself.  she's two.  she's learning.  she needs a hug, and a tissue, and for me to sit for a minute and read her a book.  

...  grace for the two year old, again, when she cannot sleep.  she's not a good sleeper.  she's never been a good sleeper.  one day she will sleep.  i must remember that this is hard for her, too.  

...  grace for myself.  i need some time to myself.  not much, but a walk in the mornings, a hot shower, and a cup of tea (or soon beer!) at night make me much more able to take care of everyone else. 

...  grace for the dog because he's a puppy for goodness sake and he's going to chew things and he needs exercise and he's learning and trying, too.     

...  grace for the times when it seems like avery and ellie cannot play well together for even 30 seconds.  they're both learning and figuring out how to play with each other, what is acceptable and what isn't, and how to stand up for themselves.  it's a process and sometimes it's a messy one.  

...  grace for my husband.  he works hard.  he needs time for himself, too.  and he is a great dad.  i am so glad he's the one holding my hand at the end of the day.  and we both could use some time together, without the kids, whether it's brunch or a fire after the kids have gone to bed or falling asleep while watching modern family.  

...  grace during those morning hours when everyone is crying and upset because they're hungry and whiny and not happy with whatever breakfast is being served.  it will all get better once they eat and i get some coffee.  

...  grace for the messes that will inevitably pile up:  the dishes in the sink, the bathrooms that need cleaning, and the laundry piles that seem impossible to fold at times.  they do drive me crazy but they also mean that i was spending my time taking care of the people that matter most.  the messes are worth it.  and they will all get cleaned up eventually.  

...  grace for the newborn baby that is coming soon and will probably cry for no reason, want to be fed 12-14 times a day, have a hard time sleeping, be woken up by our loud house, need a million diaper changes, and steal countless hours of sleep from us.  because it's a newborn, you know.  and really, we are the luckiest to be adding a new person to our family who we get to learn about and teach things and watch grow up.  and we know just how fast that time flies, even when there is a lot of crying involved.  

so here's to 2016. i'm hoping it's filled with lots of hugs, "i love yous", and spontaneous kisses.  i hope that my kids know how much i love them and how much they love each other at the end of each day.  i hope that we read lots of books, play outside a lot, grow a tiny garden, make messes and learn more about each other.  and i hope we remember every day just how lucky we are.     

the calm before the baby.

it seems like we're slowly returning to normal around here after the holiday and birthday season at our house.  i hesitate to say this because i know that 'normal' is about to change again with the addition of a new baby.  so maybe instead we're just enjoying the last bit of time we have as a family of four while i make endless lists of things to do, to bake, to buy, to organize before baby.  i know that really none of these things will matter and as long as i manage to wash the newborn clothes we have, and buy a few packs of diapers we'll be fine, but i can't stop thinking about all of the things i should do now before this baby comes to make our lives easier.  most of them revolve around food:  freezer dinners, lists of easy to make dinners, frozen breakfast cookies, and a freezer stocked with some bison and frozen fruit.  honestly, smoothies and coffee are my food essentials and i could easily survive off of those and peanut butter sandwiches, but having kids makes me feel like i should provide them with a bit more throughout the day.  there's something about ending the evening with a hot, home cooked meal (even if it was prepared a month in advance) that makes me feel like i've accomplished something.  and so i keep making lists of things i need to cook and freeze.  

there are endless things that i want to organize:  the garage, the storage area in our basement, all of the kids toys and books that seem to multiply at an alarming rate.  i cleaned out our toy situation before christmas and it doesn't even seem like we have that much but they seem to be experts at getting out every toy we possibly own, especially the ones with a million pieces, and relocating all of the pieces throughout the house.  at the end of the day the legos haven't actually been used but i can find them in four different rooms of the house.  avery is getting just slightly better about actually cleaning up after herself.  she won't do it without a lot of prompting and whining but she is actually capable of putting toys back where they go.  ellie is actually fantastic at this.  she would make a great engineer someday because the kid loves order and cannot move onto something else until her original mess is picked up.  quiet time and bedtime don't happen until everything is back in its place and often when i call her to lunch or dinner she'll tell me "in a minute, i have to put back" and then she'll actually clean up and put things away.  i love it.

   i feel like i should mention that we had a great christmas.  i always have dreamy expectations of the holiday: my kids thoughtfully, and slowly unwrapping presents and then playing with them for hours while charlie and i drink endless cups of hot coffee, and then later sitting down to a delicious candlelit dinner that lasts more than 15 minutes.  but honestly it was pretty great.  the kids have loads of thoughtful family members who manage to ship gifts out to them in time for the holiday (a skill i have yet to master unless it involves ordering something directly from amazon prime) and had lots to open in addition to the gifts we got them.  i actually managed to stuff stockings this year, which were filled with fairly practical things and the kids 'big' gifts from us were a big hit and they have really enjoyed them.  the theme of this years christmas was definitely frozen, and they now have dolls, blankets, toys, and books that are filled with the world of elsa and anna.  after opening presents we made french toast, which everyone enjoyed and the kids did spend a lot of time playing with their new presents.  we made a turkey, mashed potatoes, and green beans for dinner and did light a candle although i'm pretty sure ellie didn't even sit down at the table that night and took zero bites of the dinner i worked so hard to make.  we also got to FaceTime with almost everyone back east that day, which was nice for the kids and us!  being super pregnant i definitely enjoyed the low key christmas and i would actually really like to make it a tradition to not travel anywhere on christmas day, but instead to just enjoy the company of our family and some good food, too.  

  

4 more sleeps!

we've checked everything off of our christmas lists (except wrapping all those darn presents) and all we have left to do is count down the last few days until christmas.  with three birthdays in the month before christmas i always feel like the month is packed with crazy.  i feel sort of bad for the kids having their birthday so close to the holidays so we try and decorate and make it as special as we can while still doing all the christmas things, too.  it makes for a really fun month but always leaves me very ready for the calm of january.  

i actually don't think we did too many activities this year at all.  mostly we celebrated at home, together by reading christmas books and watching christmas movies, baking cookies and making ornaments.  the kids have loved having the decorations up and really love when we're out after dark and they get to see everyone else's lights, too.  the one activity we did was to take the kids to see the zoo lights.  we hadn't been since ellie was a tiny baby (less than a month old!) and it was much more fun this time since she could actually appreciate it and i didn't find myself breastfeeding her on the floor of the lion house.  we've celebrated with some friends too which is always nice because i feel like this time of year can get so busy that we don't see people as often as we usually do.    

avery's birthday was a hit.  she got a few presents that she really liked (dolls and legos and a necklace were her favorites).  we went out to dinner at a japanese steakhouse the night before to celebrate charlie's birthday and her birthday.  this is sort of our yearly tradition and the kids love watching the 'show' and eating a huge amount of friend rice.  the day of her birthday we opened her presents, went to ellie's gymnastics class and then to the bookstore.  avery had been talking about going since i took ellie one day when she was at preschool and i hope it lived up to her expectations.  we made tacos for dinner (her favorite) and sang happy birthday to her after dinner.  she had requested a strawberry cake, which i found a little tricky since it's nether strawberry season nor could i find a good recipe for one.  instead i made her a vanilla cake with chocolate icing and added sliced strawberries to the top and she seemed happy enough with it.  

we'll have a really low key christmas this year.  it's just going to be our little family all day.  we have plans to have french toast for breakfast in between present opening.  i'm really looking forward to setting everything up with charlie on christmas eve and watching the kids open everything in the morning.  ellie is still at the slow and sweet stage of present opening.  she likes to open something and play with it for a bit before moving on to the next present.  avery's a bit faster but i'm hoping they take their time on christmas so we can savor it, too.  this is the first year that we're actually doing stockings.  i actually bought them and remembered to buy things for them.  the dollar spot at target had some great stuff that i know they'll actually use:  chalk, bath finger paints, coloring books, and necklaces.  we got them each a 'big' present.  ellie's is a teepee and avery's is a scooter.  and then a few other little things like books, art supplies, and some clothes.  i'm hoping they like everything and they also have quite a lot of presents that family members have sent, too.  we're planning on making a roast turkey for dinner and hoping for a bit of snow.  it's always such a fun day and the kids make it doubly fun since their excitement is contagious.    

christmastime

it's the most wonderful time of the year, right?  at least it feels like it.  

+  our tree is up, decorated with both colored and white lights, and the kids keep rearranging the ornaments on it.  

+  we're listening to christmas music every afternoon and evening.  i have to try and play it not too often or else i'll get a little sick of it by the time the 25th rolls around.  

+  we've watched elf once, we attempted the polar express but we had to abandon it because it was 'too scary', and we'll sneak in a viewing of the grinch before too long. 

+  we're spending mornings reading christmas books and the kids are loving opening two new ones each week that my mom sent to us.  our basket of christmas books is overflowing this year!

+  we've had some snow which always makes things feel festive and the kids are loving bundling up in their snow gear and running around, sledding down our little hill in the back, and then coming inside to warm up with some hot chocolate.  

+  we've attempted one ski trip already this year to test out avery's 'new' skis.  of course she hated it and says she doesn't want to go again and doesn't like skiing.  but they should fit ellie by next year, hopefully.

+  we've been making lots of christmas crafts.  so far we've done a santa, an elf, a christmas tree, rudolph, a snow globe, and a snowman and our fridge is filling up fast with all of their handiwork. 

+  our christmas cards have been ordered, addressed, and mostly sent.  i still need a few more stamps for the rest of them. 

+  avery's been drawing and painting pictures to give to family members and is really, really excited to wrap some presents.  

+  buddy the elf has been slowly making his way around our house and if the kids have noticed that sometimes he doesn't move for four days they haven't said anything. 

+  there are mini trees in each of their rooms.  the colored lights on ellie's tree are serving as her nightlight right now and it's the coziest thing to see when i read to her before bed.  

+  we've planned our christmas dinner menu, although i'm still looking for a good breakfast recipe to eat during some breaks in present opening.  i'm thinking we might just go with french toast since that used to be one of avery's favorites and we haven't made it in over a year!

+  we made salt dough ornaments and hung them on the tree.  they are quite imperfect but the kids had a lot of fun with them.   

+  we still would like to see the zoo lights, make some sugar cookies, have a holiday dinner with some friends, and wrap and mail presents to far away family.   

it's been such a wonderful holiday season so far and i'm excited for the rest of it.  i will admit that we started decorating before thanksgiving, putting up a few decorations each day but saving the tree for the day after thanksgiving like we always do.  with three birthdays between the two holidays it's sort of nice to have the extra time to savor the season and the kids are so, so, so excited for everything.  they love every string of lights that we've hung, every garland, every stocking, and every wreath.  they love their little trees and they love, love the big tree in our living room.  i'm really looking forward to a slow holiday with our little family this year.  it's actually been really nice having two 'older' kids who can actually understand everything, help with the decorating, and enjoy the mess of baking and crafting.  these days are the best and i will miss them, i know, when they're older and 'cooler'.  

hello?

it's been awhile and i won't even attempt to say that i'm back to blogging but i have missed keeping a record of our family's life.  so i'm going to attempt to do just that every once in awhile.  poor ellie has had rather sad documentation of her life compared to avery and while i know she's loved every bit as much i would like to actually have a place to look back on her growing up because i know i sure won't remember it all!  so, here's what's been going on in the past year: 

... ellie is 18 months.  crazy town.  i love this age so much.  she's a running, climbing, following her sister around all day, talking up a storm, crazy toddler.  charlie and i die over how cute she is daily.  she's imitating everything that her 'cool' big sis is doing these days including her newest phrase "knock knock, who's there? pee" that she definitely picked up from avery.  she's also stubborn, brave, and still very much attached to her mama these days.  she knows what she wants and how she wants it and she will let you know exactly what that is.  and (knock on wood) she is finally, finally sleeping in her crib all through the night.  it only took us a year and a half to figure that one out.  she wakes up at the crack of dawn but i can deal with a 5:30 wake up time as long as she's not in my bed thrashing around like a fool for hours each night.  

...  avery is three and a half and growing by the minute.  she is pretty opinionated about things these days too and like most three year olds has zero patience for things like waiting for things she wants, sharing toys with her sister, and picking up after her own giant messes.  she seems so old to me these days and she'll start preschool in the fall.  i'm both excited for her and so sad because how in the world is she old enough to go out into the world without me.  she's a pretty great sister most of the time and over the past 6 months they have started to play with each other a lot more.  i find it pretty adorable and usually waste all the time that they're happily playing sneakily watching them from the other room instead of getting anything done.  

...  we recently put dunkin to sleep, which was the hardest decision i've ever made and thing i've had to do.  charlie and i miss him like crazy.  he was the best and the house seems so empty without him following me around everywhere.  

... i'm so excited that it's finally summer, my very favorite season.  we're busy enjoying things like flip flops, dresses, open windows, fires, grilling, the water table, running around without clothes on (the kids, not me), and growing our first garden.  we don't have a lot of plans this summer and i'm trying to really enjoy the last bit of completely unscheduled time that we have before after starts school.  i know after that we'll "only" have summer's off and i'm really going to miss the freedom of these before-school days.  

...  we took our annual trip back to maryland in june to visit family.  it was really great to see everyone and we even squeezed in some beach time one day but ellie not the chillest traveler during our second leg of the journey and we were all happy to get back home just to get back to our normal routine.  i'm usually complaining about how short those trips are and this one was only a week, compared to the last two years when we've stayed for two weeks, but with ellie being so difficult i was basically counting the days until we got back home.  hopefully she'll be a little more laid back next year.         

ellie: 10 months

oh my, so late.  sorry elle.  we still love you loads. this is basically 10.5 months but i'm sure you'll forgive me, right?  i could make this really short and say YOU ARE SO MUCH FUN and I LOVE THIS AGE.  in fact the only thing i don't love about this age is that your sleep is still not so good. but here are a few details anyway.

...  you are talking!  you say mommy, daddy, doggie (this sounds a lot like daddy), baa baa (for sheep although you say this randomly all the time anyway), and cat.  i really do love this milestone.  so fun. 

...  you're still a crawling machine.  you're fast and you get where you want to go no questions asked. 

...  you're climbing stairs.  uh-oh.  

...  you're pulling up on anything and everything and starting to walk with your walker a bit.  you will also walk when you hold our hands and you get the proudest smile on your face when you do this.  

...  you 'read' books.  you like me to read to you and you turn the pages and you will also flip through on your own.  board books are pretty much the only ones that are safe around you.

...  you love to wrestle with your daddy.  avery too if she's gentle enough.  

...  you are a really tough kid.  you don't cry for much (except when you don't get your way).  in fact at one time this month avery hit you in the face because you took her toy and your lip started bleeding.  you didn't even think about crying but you did give her a look like, 'oh hell no'.  i think she's in trouble when you get bigger.

...  speaking of toys you love to play with anything and everything your sister is into.  we're constantly hearing from avery that "i'm frustrated!" and i get it.  but thankfully when she's in the mood you guys are starting to play together nicely.  this usually involves her dictating the game and giving and taking toys away from you at random but you're usually amused enough by her made up games that you play along for a bit.

...  you eat everything.  you're eating three meals a day and i usually just give you whatever we're eating unless it's really hard or tough to chew.  dinner is your favorite meal and i'm always impressed with how much food you can actually eat. 

...  you have three teeth.  two on the bottom and one on the top.  

...  you do not like sleeping without me.  you've regressed to waking up after a short period of time after i put you to bed and you will scream your face off as long as you deem necessary (until i come and rescue you).  we probably need to night wean at some point but i'm not mentally ready for that battle yet.  

...  you hate the car and only tolerate the stroller when you're tired enough to be sleeping.  i really hate driving anywhere longer than 20 minutes with you because there's a change you'll scream the whole way.  i moved you into a convertible carseat this month in hopes that it would help but no such luck.  

...   you love ollie and like to lay your head down on his fluffy, fat belly.  he's pretty good with you, too.  the rest of the animals are a distant second to him.  

you love your sister, your dad, and i'm guessing me, too.  and we have loved watching you grow.  lately we've been thinking that there's a good chance you'll be our last baby, which is sort of bittersweet.  it's made me cherish those snuggles that i get from you even more and worry a little less about when you'll start sleeping through the night.  you are the sweetest baby and as hard as those first few months were with you these past few have been so sweet and happy.  love you big e.