moving.

there's definitely not trails like this in d.c.

ever since we've moved to colorado there have been times that i desperately miss d.c..  usually those times are random - a weekend night when i wish we were BBQing with family, a perfect sunny june day when i think 'wow this is perfect beach weather', or when we make a trip back to d.c. and have to split a week between our two families.  

it's not the normal times when you would think i would miss them - holidays, birthdays, or when you could just use an extra hand around to watch the dogs or help us juggle something.  i love spending my holidays with charlie.  we celebrate exactly the way we want to, avoid any family drama that i have no desire to be apart of, and frankly i love my time alone with him.  

after avery was born i started thinking how it would be nice to have family around.  not in the 'hey we're next-door-neighbors' sort of way, but in the 'see you every few weeks' sort of way.  i want her to know her grandparents, and aunts and uncle, and cousins.  our families are pretty small, but in a way that makes it even more important for her to know them.  and it's hard to build relationships like that when you're 1,500 miles away.  sure there's phone calls and video chats and visits, and i do believe that if everyone makes an effort you can maintain good relationships, but it is different.  it also doesn't help that in the past year all of the friends that charlie and i met in colorado moved back to where they came from.  colorado is truly a state of transients.  aside from jobs, the rocky mountains, and a great lifestyle there isn't a lot keeping us in colorado.  although those are pretty big factors. 

so the question now is, do we stay in colorado and use our vacation time to see family or do we move back to d.c.?  it would be a lot easier to answer if a. d.c. wasn't so crowded, expensive, and busy or b. we didn't love it so much in colorado.  career-wise it's probably a better move for charlie.  the d.c. market is far bigger than what denver will ever be, however it's not like the move is a promotion for him or staying in colorado would be detrimental to his career.  for me, i'm better off staying in denver since i have no job prospects in d.c..  

i wonder if we move back to d.c. the lure of family will be enough or if all of the reasons that we left in the first place will start to slowly drive me crazy.  will sitting in constant traffic make us both angry people?  will we miss how friendly and laid back everyone is out here? will we never go hiking again because it's too crowded and/or far away (and lets be honest, you can't compare the appalachian mountains to the rockies)?  will i never find a job as flexible as my current job forcing me to lose time with my family which would defeat the whole purpose of moving?  will beltway traffic make us not want to make the drive to see either family?  will we miss how dog friendly it is out here (something that's definitely a factor with 2 huge dogs)? 

i could go on.  and i do in my head. usually when i'm trying to fall immediately asleep because i only have 3 hours before avery wakes up again.  

on the other hand, there are the reasons to move.  we really will see our families more often.  we'll actually have people to invite to avery's first birthday.  we can vacation with 1.2 million other people at the beach.  avery will actually know her cousins, and grandparents, and aunts and uncles.  we'll have people around to help us if she's sick and we both have to work or if charlie and i actually want to go out to dinner alone.  if we stay, we're pretty much limited to early dinners with avery until she's old enough to stay by herself alone because there's no way i'm leaving her with a stranger.  

and then there's all of the little things.  things that should have no bearing on our decision to move, but things i can't help thinking about.  the cost of moving.  it's huge.  huge.  we've worked really hard to save money in the past few years and moving would take a pretty big chunk out of all of that.  there's the cost of breaking our lease, the cost of hiring movers, renting a truck, gas money for the truck and cars (which i grossly underestimated when we moved out here), either deposits on an apartment (huge waste of money) or a down payment on a house (less of a waste of money but much more permanent than an apartment), oh and the factor that i won't have an income for an undetermined period of time.  there's also the pain of finding a place to live.  the fact that we have 4 animals.  yes dad, i know i did this to myself, and frankly no one is going to rent to someone with that many animals.  and there's also this factor that by moving and being unemployed i'll have more time to spend with avery instead of shipping her off to daycare right away (stupid i know, but still something i think about).  

charlie and i have set a deadline of february 13 to make a decision.  until then i'll continue to wake up every day and lean towards the opposite decision that i had made the day before.