project 52:10

we lose ourselves in the things we love.  we find ourselves there, too. 

-kristen.martz.

it's funny how people change over time i think.  i remember when i was pregnant with avery a lot of people were surprised because they told me they thought i would never have kids.  in fact, my mom was the only one who said that she knew that i would have them or at least want to.  i think for the longest time i thought of having kids as something that would happen in the far off future until one day i woke up and felt like i wanted them now.  anyway, even though i knew that i wanted to be a parent it wasn't really until avery was born that i wanted that above all other things.  charlie and i used to have these conversations about passion.  and he would say 'there's nothing you're really passionate about besides our family'.  and i think that's true.  i have interests outside of my family (although most aren't things i've found the time to dabble in lately) but my passion is being a mom.  this is only surprising to me because for the longest time i was adamant about being strong and independent and i saw those things as something that didn't really mesh with staying at home with my kids but rather building a career.  fortunately, i think i've found that you can be strong and independent and a good role model regardless of what your job title is.  i've also learned that independent does not mean selfish, although i think it can be hard to separate the two sometimes.  i sometimes will be folding laundry on the floor, surrounded by toys and ellie and avery and think, 'i am so lucky'.  some might say blessed but i think they're one in the same.  i never imagined that these things would be so satisfying to me but they are and i'm so thankful that i get to spend my days this way -- doing what i love with the people i love the most.